Post-College Goals and Speed-Dating

In many ways my life has been like riding on a train. The track is laid out and all I have to do is ride on the train and follow the track. Well, that's good, until the track stops, the train stops, and they kick you off the train and tell you to do whatever you want. "You can do anything," they tell you. "Follow your dreams," they say. "Pay off your student loan debt" and "you should have picked a more marketable career" is what they should say as they push you off the train into the "real world" of adulthood.

The train has stopped. So many of my goals were on that train track of expectations I had for myself and others had for me. Graduate from high school, finish my Young Womenhood projects for church, graduate from seminary, apply for college, do internships, serve a full-time church mission (completely my choice- no one else pressured me into doing this), get my Bachelor's degree and Master's degree, get teacher certified, get a career, buy a house, fulfill callings, etc. Now what? Now I am off the train track trying to hammer together railroad ties to form the next part of my railroad track and determine my journey. Problem is, I don't necessarily know what I want my journey to look like.

It can be embarrassing to do speed-dating and have people ask what my ambitions are and I don't have any. Literally, I was in Oklahoma at a church conference this summer (it  was so much fun!) and I learned how to scare away men. This one young man asked me, "What are your goals for the next 10 years?" Now, don't get me wrong, because I love goals and I love to ask this question of other people. However, I was not prepared to answer this question. I responded with the most recent ambition I had. "I want to be a coach for Weight Watchers." I rambled as I explained that I wasn't self-conscious about my body, but I wanted to support other people and feel supported as I make health changes. His eyes widened and he didn't speak to me again for the rest of the conference. I have to come up with something better than that the next time I go speed-dating! :)

The real answer is that I don't know what I want my life to look like post-college and post-mission (and soon to be post-YSA). I am investing a good chunk of time concerned with becoming financially stable. My expectation/dream that I could afford to save the world with a low-paying career (go, teaching!) while depending on an imaginary husband with a higher-paying career has evaporated. Instead, it is replaced with the reality that even if I do get married, I need to be prepared to be a primary breadwinner (as observed from real-life examples of people who are close to me). So, I am in the middle looking for different paths (currently I am exploring organizational behavior or training in a corporate setting, financial planning, or even early-childhood special education). As my roommate told me, "You are going to die with about 10 Master's degrees." She is absolutely right. I really will (at least five).

I am also just trying to learn how to be an adult and how to be responsible. I am trying to learn how to do all the chores I should have learned as a kid. I am trying to learn how to edge and mow a lawn, how to discard and file my papers (they are still all over my bedroom and living room), how to be clean, how to go to bed at a decent hour, how to maintain a car, how to be a safe driver (I am taking an AARP class), etc.

I am also trying to learn how to create balance in my life and not just commute, work, exercise, and do chores at home. I am trying to learn how to be proactive socially and to focus on strengthening relationships. I have to set a goal to have fun, otherwise I will be bored and miserable working on stuff all the time.

I don't think I have huge and ambitious goals anymore. I am just trying to live my life and be happy. I am trying to improve and become better. I try to help people when I can. That's about it. Maybe that makes for a bunch of really awkward answers to speed dating questions, but that is where I am building my train tracks and where my train is (not) going.

Fingernails and Personal Growth

I was a (super) senior at BYU and worked as a freshman mentor. I remember complaining to a colleague about how I wasn't progressing as fast as I wanted to in some area of my life. David told me, "You can't always see the progress if you look from day to day, but if you look over a longer period of time, the growth is there. Look at your fingernails. If you check everyday it doesn't look like they have grown at all, but if you look at them after a few weeks, you can see the growth." Wow! I think about that comment frequently whenever I look at my fingernails now. True and steady growth is slow.

Recently I have been feeling discouraged about my lack of growth in many areas of my life. I tend to look around and see all the ways I need to improve instead of celebrating my successes. I look at my bedroom and living room covered in papers and think, "Why can't I be more organized? Why do I fail at life?" I am late and miss my yoga class by just a few minutes and beat myself up. "Why can't I just learn to be on time and early to things?" Yes, years after recognizing that I struggle with these things, I am still dealing with them.

So, looking at things from a "fingernail" perspective, here is what I have slowly improved on over the years:

1. Making my bed. I am awesomely regular about doing this, thanks to my college roommate, Kari. Kari taught me something her grandma said. "Always make your bed. Then, no matter how the rest of your day goes, at least you have accomplished one thing." Yes, Kari's grandmother is right. Sometimes that is the only thing that gets done that day, but it gets done and it looks good! Thank you, Kari's grandmother.

2. Clothing. I recently bought some clothes and showed my roommate/best friend, Kezia. As a recently turned 30-year-old, I feel like it is important to be classy and to dress classily (Audrey Hepburn and Michelle Obama are my fashion icons). I finally am doing it. I am finally looking classy! Kezia said, "What do you mean you are finally being classy? You have been classy for a while. I think you just forgot what you used to look like." She is so right. I have enough awkward pictures to prove it. Besides having a desire to learn on my mission (from classy companions), post-mission I learned about fashion by reading 20 books on fashion from the public library (tax dollars well spent, if you ask me).

3. Exercise. I have been better about exercising now than I have been for my whole life, I feel like. In college I noticed that the bulk of my clothing was exercise clothes, because I was trying to project my desires to be healthy and active (I am avoiding the word athletic on purpose) into my clothing. Now, I have a membership to a women's only gym and have been pretty regular about taking classes. I still only lift my barbell with a total of 5 pounds on it, but my body is changing. I am happy. I love moving my body in a tai chi/yoga/pilates class, in a strength-training class, or in a step class. I have found that the more I take care of my body the more I appreciate myself. My body is incredible and I am learning to take care of it.

4. Travel. I am identifying my dreams and going for them. I went back to Peru with my parents earlier this summer and booked a flight to finally visit Washington, D.C. I went to NYC last March with my sister and mom and had a blast! I am trying to live my dreams.

5. Flossing. I am really good at it and do it every day. I also use mouthwash. I am proud of myself for these hygienic habits. Oh, I have also gotten better about showering regularly (as in almost every day, not twice a week anymore). #progress

So, your homework? Look at years past. What used to be a struggle but now is easier for you? How have you improved? What are you getting better at? It is okay to celebrate your success, no matter how slow or seemingly insignificant it is. You are getting better. It just takes time. :)